Casual Conversation Artist T-Shirts

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'She'll never look for me here.'

Infinity Tavern

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

'Oh, no, those aren't the kid's drawings. Dave is taking adult education art class.'

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

The Schmoozy Reaper

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

'I drink to bring about change.'

"Don't worry. These rosés are still fresh."

"It's for his shakes."

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

"Sir, you said that it's high time to fix the problem, so I rearranged the furniture, watered the flowers and made fresh coffee. If that wasn't enough then maybe we should find some problems that fit our solutions."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"