Conversation Artists Gifts

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"I'd love to chat, Dave, but unless it's high-powered, high-quality, high-finance, high-tech chat, I just don't have the time."

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

"Your marriage would greatly improve if you were both more open with your emojis."

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

'Quality time, Gloria?'

"My super powers are listening and downsizing my life."

"You're so easy to talk to - not everyone is such a good listener."

"Maybe my argument will make more sense if I run it through some of these sick effects pedals."

"Have you talked to Baldo about girls lately?"

'You must assert yourself more.'

'It helps him realize I'm being serious.'

'What is tact?' 'The unsaid part of what you think.'

Echo Point - 'ello 'ello 'ello.

"This piece really makes you think doesn't it?"

"I've run out of topics, so you have to do the talking until the vaccine comes."

'They say TV kills the art of conversation...'

"Soul sucking? Sure. Dead end? Absolutely. But hey, it's a job!"

"I'm sure you two will discover that you're both plagued by the same nonexistent problems."

Silencing women's opinions

"Before we start the date, here's a list of things I have zero interest in talking about."