Conversation Superstar Gifts

"I've run out of topics, so you have to do the talking until the vaccine comes."

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

So you're a mocking bird...

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"So, what do you do for play?"

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

What price beauty?

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

"He gets easily abstracted."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"