Awkward Conversation Artist Gifts

"Have you talked to Baldo about girls lately?"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Very Difficult Conversations

What price beauty?

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

Send. End.

A man and a woman at a house party

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

'It's not you it's me not liking you.'

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

'How can you possibly be busy washing your hair for the rest of your life???'

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

Meet Jim, you've a lot in common...he's an insufferable bore as well...

"What I like best about you is how you, er ...the way you, ummm....You know, there's actually nothing I like about you."

'For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.'

"And I'm actually the one who puts the giblets back into the chickens..."

"Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure." "Sorry." "As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone." "Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw?" "Or did the fault lie entirely with my date?" "Feel free to speak candidly." "Mother."

"I'm beginning to think this niche networking isn't getting us anywhere."

"I'm sure you two will discover that you're both plagued by the same nonexistent problems."

"When you people start working eggs into the conversation, it's really code for something else,right?"

'You said you wanted to talk to me about sex, Dad - what actually do you want to know?'

'Nice of you to ask. My bronchitis is acting up, I have a collapsed lung, my acid-reflux is terrible, I have a heart murmur...'

"I ate some yogurt once. It was very good."