Awkward Conversation Expert Gifts

Very Difficult Conversations

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

What price beauty?

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

'One of his spectacles is bigger than the other!'

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'My advice; forget the elephant in the room - focus on the Quad Demy.'

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

'Have you noticed it, too?'

Before birds and bees,

'Don't look now Muriel. But that Polyphemus guy has been giving you the eye all night.'

"Isn't there a TED Talk he can listen to about the birds and the bees?"

Send. End.

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"I'm sorry, but I just never know what to do with my hand towels when I get nervous."

"What kind of tea do you want - sleepytime, barkytime or buttsniffytime?"

Sometimes I imagine there's a man behind me, staring at me. That's crazy. Who said that?!?!?!

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

'It's not you it's me not liking you.'

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

Lance, why do all of your burps seem to end in a question mark? Because I like a burp to be a conversation starter. And see? It worked!

'Yes, I know I'm wearing dentures, but they're full of cavities.'

"Have you talked to Baldo about girls lately?"

'How can you possibly be busy washing your hair for the rest of your life???'

I've got half a mind to get one.

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"I really am young at heart: I got a 34 year old's in a transplant."

'For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.'