Awkward Conversationalist Gifts

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

'It's not you it's me not liking you.'

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

'Nice of you to ask. My bronchitis is acting up, I have a collapsed lung, my acid-reflux is terrible, I have a heart murmur...'

What price beauty?

Send. End.

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

'How can you possibly be busy washing your hair for the rest of your life???'

'I'm afraid I'm not very good at small talk!'

Their first date was a complete disaster. He was lousy at talking about emotions and she was hopeless when they talked about sport.

'Hi, didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?'

"I'm beginning to think this niche networking isn't getting us anywhere."

Speech bubble escaping

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Very Difficult Conversations

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'