Awkward Artist Gifts

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

'He's all thumbs!'

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"May I have this arythmic flail?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"God help us, it's that guy."

'It wasn't premeditated.

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Little Mermaid."

'I don't care how educationally beneficial you guys may thing it is, I am not showing you the girl's video. That's what google's for.'

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

"Fascinating, a dollop of dog crap topped with jelly babies. yes, he's years ahead of his time."

A statue of a baseball player swinging a bat stands next to a building with a broken glass window.

"Would you like to dance with me?"

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

Bob had a lot to prove – which happens when you're wrong most of the time.

"Damn it, when things were going well there was nothing but eye contact."

Jesus snowblows a cloud.

'You've got to wonder what goes on in their heads...'

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

"You smell like wet cardboard."

'- and I was so embarrassed last night, you danced like a man with two left fe----!!!'