Awkwardness Aficionado Gifts

'It's me. Just checking to see if the phone number you gave me was real.'

"Damn it, when things were going well there was nothing but eye contact."

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'I really have nothing to say to this man...'

"You were a schlub in all of your previous lives, too."

'Norman Whimplebottom, but you can call me Tiger.'

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

'Hello, Sylvia! I didn't expect to see you again so soon.'

'Edward's at that awkward age.'

'Fenella oversteps the mark with her first date with Ken'

'Dad, is it okay to laugh during sex?' - 'Yes, just don't point.'

Group therapy for the socially retarded.

He never could fit in.

'Have a nice day! See you later!'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"It's the MacArthur Foundation! They've heard about your special genius for saying the dumbest thing at the worst possible moment, and they're giving you a grant!"

"They say it could get quite warm next week."

"Just try to blend in!"

Ladies! Tommy Yomp...always in season!

Half-price on all embarrassing items.

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Social Faux Pas: The Ex.

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

'Like a rushing river.' - 'I can't go with you staring at me...'

'I don't care how educationally beneficial you guys may thing it is, I am not showing you the girl's video. That's what google's for.'

Randy's dating secrets #289: When your date says 'What're you thinking about,' you must be able to answer.

Socializing with bedbugs. Well, that was awkward.

"I said, you’re on speaker – Dan, you’re on speaker phone!"

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"Would it be considered racially insensitive for me to ask what would be considered racially insensitive?"

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'