Cocktail Conversationalists Gifts

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'The first cocktail.'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

Bar Therapy

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

'Fill 'er up!'

Have you been living in the moment, Al? Living in the moment? I thought you said I should be living it up in the moment! Frankly, the hangovers are killing me!

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"Everything has been done to death."

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

"How can we reduce red tape and promote market forces?"