Cocktail Conversationist Gifts

She's been teaching too long!

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'The first cocktail.'

Bar Therapy

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'Fill 'er up!'

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

"Everything has been done to death."

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

'By the time the artist has started work on these still life he had sadly lipped into chronic alcoholism.'