Coffee Table Humorist Gifts

You'd better hope PETA doesn't find out you've got me working up here without a net.

Coffee Table Remote Controls

Elsie had an answer for everything.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

Wok. Don't Wok.

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'I was in the catering corps.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Amy Sedaris

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Avocado Timeline

'He's all eyes!'

The secret lives of household things.

Decaying corpse

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

"Sucker!" / "Stirrer!"

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

Tin Opening