Coffee Table Humorist T-Shirts

Coffee Table Remote Controls

Elsie had an answer for everything.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

Wok. Don't Wok.

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

'I was in the catering corps.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Amy Sedaris

Avocado Timeline

'He's all eyes!'

The secret lives of household things.

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

Decaying corpse

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

"Sucker!" / "Stirrer!"

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Tin Opening

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"...My daughter, the model..."

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."

'...and how much experience have you of sushi making?'

Get me a bottle of house white. I need to clean the stainless steel surfaces.