Coffee Humorist T-Shirts

Cows sign 'Thank you for not tipping."

Caffeine-Free Kickstart Vending Machine

"It's the only way I can get myself out of bed in the morning."

'As part of the divorce settlement, she wants your 'World's Best Lover' coffee mug back.'

"Passwords? I use the different names I'm called at Starbucks."

'You've had enough!'

Regular and decaf fuel.

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

"One large depresso coming up."

Coughee Cup

"There are three kinds of lies: big lies, small lies, and in between are grande lies."

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

"I spilled my iced coffee in my lap and I think I got freezer burn. Do I have a case?"

Tea Cup Ride

'I'm sorry, but I make it a practice not to date men who turn my stomach.'

'Why I diagnose a stress syndrome? Well... Put some milk and sugar into your urine and you can open up a coffee shop.'

The waitress wants me, Lars. I can tell by the dirty things she's been saying to me. "Bottomless cup of coffee" isn't dirty, Al.

I love coffee but it goes right through me.

There's something wrong with the coffee. Wrong? I feel funny. Like I'm seeing things. Oh, that. You've seen it, too? What is it? The boy's become a conservative. Maybe the milk's gone bad.

The New Abnormal

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

'Stocks rose on news engineers are close to developing a car that runs on lattes!'

'This decaf's lousy.'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"I like to keep my option open."