Caffeine Humorist Gifts

'I'm down to one cup of coffee a day.'

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

'Stocks rose on news engineers are close to developing a car that runs on lattes!'

'This decaf's lousy.'

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

'Sorry, Bob, but I'm having trouble taking our relationship seriously.'

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."

"I like to keep my option open."

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'Okay children, who knows the actions to I'm A Little Espresso Machine?'

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

"Is that decaf?"