Alcohol Humorist Gifts

Dowser and Beer

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Man...You age great!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Join me in a beer?

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"It's for his shakes."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'It's time you booked yourself into rehab!'

"Tell me more about your problem - I understand it's drink related."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

'Two pints of blonde please.'

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"