Alcohol Humorists Gifts

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Man...You age great!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Join me in a beer?

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"Tell me more about your problem - I understand it's drink related."

'It's time you booked yourself into rehab!'

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

Tea Cup Ride

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"