Alcohol Humorists Pillows

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Man...You age great!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

Join me in a beer?

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Tell me more about your problem - I understand it's drink related."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'It's time you booked yourself into rehab!'

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

'Two pints of blonde please.'