Alcohol-related Humor Pillows

'It's time you booked yourself into rehab!'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Tell me more about your problem - I understand it's drink related."

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

Canadian Alcoholidaze.

'Are you trying to be funny?'

Drunken cyclist

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

Alcoholidays: Beethovens fifth.

Waiter watering down wine

'If that's my wife, tell her meow, meuwwf, meew, hiss.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Seltzer paste.

'You've got it wrong,luv-it's Fido who's the boozer!'

Man offering a drink to a drowning man

"How do they expect me to get to an early opener when I'm still too drunk to walk from the night before?"

pickled onions...

A drunk man being told to get up out of the gutter by a policeman

'What do we do now? He was our designated driver?'

Cat gets coffee from coffee machine.

'Then I hit him with my three-legged punch. . .I hit him with my stool.'

'Are you drunk again!!?'

"This is my shoulder to cry on..."

Dowser and Beer

"I wanted to get her a car instead of that ten carat diamond ring, but I couldn't find a fake Mercedes."

A Delicate Hint.

"I think it is silly to assume people drank more during the lockdown."

"Oh, it's you Jane. I didn't recognize you standing up."

"Believe me, babe, you'll be sorry after my gastric bypass."