Alcohol-related Humor Gifts

'It's time you booked yourself into rehab!'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Look at Ernie. He's so tipsy, he's walking face forward."

"Tell me more about your problem - I understand it's drink related."

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

Canadian Alcoholidaze.

Drunken cyclist

'Are you trying to be funny?'

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

Alcoholidays: Beethovens fifth.

Waiter watering down wine

Seltzer paste.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'If that's my wife, tell her meow, meuwwf, meew, hiss.'

Cat gets coffee from coffee machine.

"If that's humankind, I'm not here!"

pickled onions...

Man offering a drink to a drowning man

A drunk man being told to get up out of the gutter by a policeman

'What do we do now? He was our designated driver?'

'You've got it wrong,luv-it's Fido who's the boozer!'

"How do they expect me to get to an early opener when I'm still too drunk to walk from the night before?"

'Are you drunk again!!?'

'Then I hit him with my three-legged punch. . .I hit him with my stool.'

Dowser and Beer

"Incorrigible, maybe, but I wouldn't say you're an abominable snowman."

"This is my shoulder to cry on..."

Monday Nights: Wet Blanket Contest! I'm feeling really good about my chances this week, Bob!

"I wanted to get her a car instead of that ten carat diamond ring, but I couldn't find a fake Mercedes."

"I think it is silly to assume people drank more during the lockdown."

A Delicate Hint.

"Oh, it's you Jane. I didn't recognize you standing up."