Alcohol Humor Gifts

Drunken cyclist

'You've got it wrong,luv-it's Fido who's the boozer!'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Look at Ernie. He's so tipsy, he's walking face forward."

"Tell me more about your problem - I understand it's drink related."

'It's time you booked yourself into rehab!'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

Canadian Alcoholidaze.

'Are you trying to be funny?'

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

Alcoholidays: Beethovens fifth.

Seltzer paste.

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

Waiter watering down wine

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'If that's my wife, tell her meow, meuwwf, meew, hiss.'

'What do we do now? He was our designated driver?'

"How do they expect me to get to an early opener when I'm still too drunk to walk from the night before?"

"If that's humankind, I'm not here!"

A drunk man being told to get up out of the gutter by a policeman

pickled onions...

'Are you drunk again!!?'

'Then I hit him with my three-legged punch. . .I hit him with my stool.'

Man offering a drink to a drowning man

"Incorrigible, maybe, but I wouldn't say you're an abominable snowman."

"This is my shoulder to cry on..."

Monday Nights: Wet Blanket Contest! I'm feeling really good about my chances this week, Bob!

"I'm looking for a red with a fruity bouquet, lightly peppery on the palate, and will get me smashed in under 3 glasses."

Dowser and Beer

"I wanted to get her a car instead of that ten carat diamond ring, but I couldn't find a fake Mercedes."

'Are you drunk?'

"Oh, it's you Jane. I didn't recognize you standing up."