Bar Humorists Pillows

"Let Halliburton clean it up."

'Sorry, pal -- from behind, you look just like my girl friend.'

He's not on a motorbike, he's got a very touchy wife!

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

Virtual Lap Dancing

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."