Bar Comedian Pillows

"That's how you think because you're an egghead."

"Oh, that wasn't me talking. It was the alcohol talking."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Complementary Beverages

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'These drinks have been watered down.'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

Virtual Lap Dancing

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

People talking through a stethoscope.

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?