Bar Scene Humorist Pillows

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

'With just a soupçon of argon.'

'Yeah... It's a wedding ring... I wear it on the wrong finger because I'm married to the wrong man.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Sorry dearie - try Sharon over there, she likes a bit of rough."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

Complementary Beverages

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'These drinks have been watered down.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?

'I'm having what he's having.'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."