Humorist Of The Bar Pillows

'I've got a bit of a drink problem.' 'Me too..there's never enough.'

Lawyer-poet-in-residence

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'These drinks have been watered down.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I can't remember. Are you my lawyer, or am I yours?'

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

'Hell, no, I don't want any sake.'