Humorist Of The Bar Gifts

'I've got a bit of a drink problem.' 'Me too..there's never enough.'

Lawyer-poet-in-residence

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'I can't remember. Are you my lawyer, or am I yours?'

People talking through a stethoscope.

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

'I'm glad you credit my Martinis for helping you break out of your cocoon, but I'm still cutting you off.'

'Hell, no, I don't want any sake.'