Bar Humor Buff Gifts

'Sorry to butt in, Miss, but that creature there is lying to you - he is definitely NOT Godzilla! And I should know, for I am none other than... Rodan, the Flying Monster!'

"Oh, He's a local bar fly."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Cat Nip.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

Cheeze Wiz.

'He does lack social skills.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Snowman with Happy Face Badge.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

The Golfing Accident

Fishing line going in to water and then dropping down from sky at top of panel.

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

Wedding disaster #27.

"And would you like flies with that?"

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Milk Bar - "Don't you think you've had enough?"

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

"The new OS update should fix the bug that makes you want to murder everyone."

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"Oh, yeah? Well, you smell nice!"

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"I've told you kids - that's not a toy!"

'We're well positioned, but we lack leadership.'

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

Bottle-nosed Dolphins.

The Quotable Ben Franklin. To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals. And not flying thy kite during thunderstorms might help, too!