Bar Humor Gifts

'Are you trying to be funny?'

"For some reason, people drink a lot less since I brought my twin brother into the business."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Virtual Lap Dancing

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

People talking through a stethoscope.

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

"Leave the toilet."