Bar Humor Lovers Gifts

'And when I told Santa I didn't believe in him anymore I lost my ability to fly!'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

Virtual Lap Dancing

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

People talking through a stethoscope.

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"Leave the toilet."

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.