Bar Humor Lovers Gifts

'And when I told Santa I didn't believe in him anymore I lost my ability to fly!'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

'Two pints of blonde please.'

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.