Bar Humor Fan Gifts

"No, no, no! We never start playing with an empty jar!"

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

'She's walking all over you. Move on. And never run on hardwood floors.'

Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Santa's Little Enablers

"Leave the toilet."

"I'm not saying you're making it up but I think I'd remember if I'd stepped on your face."

I'm good at reading people. Especially when they have punctuation marks over their heads.

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"There's a phone call for U."

'Don't worry...I'm an angry hornet - not an angry drunk.'

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Herb knew that his only chance was to get the guy drunk, then make a break for it.

'You come in here giving it all that.'

"I drink to forget."

Complementary Beverages

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Virtual Lap Dancing

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Harpy Hour."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."