Bar Joke Fan Gifts

'How's my Husband? Not too well - You're sitting on him!'

Complementary Beverages

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

"Harpy Hour."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Virtual Lap Dancing

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

Drunken hamster at the bar says to the Easter Bunny: 'You got lucky, Bunny. Things could've been so different for the Harvest Festival Hamster.'

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"Leave the toilet."

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

'Hell, no, I don't want any sake.'

'I'm glad you credit my Martinis for helping you break out of your cocoon, but I'm still cutting you off.'

"...And then I forgot where I put my memory stick!"

No glasses to be taken outside.

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

'So...your Bowel or mine?' / A male tapeworm using a pick-up line on a female tapeworm

'Are you trying to be funny?'

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

"Actually, I'm from New Jersey. The nickname comes from thirty years in the textile business."

"Laugh if you will, but my kind once ruled the earth."

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'