Bar Jokes Gifts

29. Ah, cheer up, you're not always the lowest common denominator.

Emmett had a far more difficult time explaining the halter top.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

Virtual Lap Dancing

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Advertising: Don't get me started! I mean what's Phil Collins in a Gorilla suit, got to do with chocolate?'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

Drunken hamster at the bar says to the Easter Bunny: 'You got lucky, Bunny. Things could've been so different for the Harvest Festival Hamster.'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?

"...And then I forgot where I put my memory stick!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"Leave the toilet."