Bar Jokes Pillows

Emmett had a far more difficult time explaining the halter top.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Complementary Beverages

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

"She said don't forget the straw."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Virtual Lap Dancing

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

Drunken hamster at the bar says to the Easter Bunny: 'You got lucky, Bunny. Things could've been so different for the Harvest Festival Hamster.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?

'Two pints of blonde please.'

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

"Leave the toilet."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.