Bar Joke Aficionado Pillows

'Care to step outside and repeat that buddy...or are you some kind of pussy?!'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

Complementary Beverages

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"I'm not whining."

'Who was that Chad?' 'Ahh, just an old flame of mine.' Two candles at the bar talking about the flame walking out the door

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'