Bar Joke Enthusiast Pillows

'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'

"Hey! Thanks for waiting!"

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"What other tricks does he need?"

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

Virtual Lap Dancing

"I'm not whining."

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."