Bar Joke Enthusiast Pillows

'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'

"Hey! Thanks for waiting!"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"What other tricks does he need?"

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"I'm not whining."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."