Bar Humorous Pillows

'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Virtual Lap Dancing

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'Two pints of blonde please.'

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

"Leave the toilet."

"...And then I forgot where I put my memory stick!"