Bar Humorous T-Shirts

'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Complementary Beverages

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Virtual Lap Dancing

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"Leave the toilet."

Lawyer-poet-in-residence

People talking through a stethoscope.

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."