Bar Scene Humorist Gifts

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

'With just a soupçon of argon.'

'Yeah... It's a wedding ring... I wear it on the wrong finger because I'm married to the wrong man.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Sorry dearie - try Sharon over there, she likes a bit of rough."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

Complementary Beverages

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

People talking through a stethoscope.

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

"Leave the toilet."

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.