Pub Humorist Gifts

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

So What Field You In?

"Sorry, the lagers off"

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'That perfume you're wearing smells funny. I love it!'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"What other tricks does he need?"

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'It was this big. I swear'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Harpy Hour."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'