Pub Humorist Gifts

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

So What Field You In?

"Sorry, the lagers off"

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'That perfume you're wearing smells funny. I love it!'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"What other tricks does he need?"

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'It was this big. I swear'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"Harpy Hour."

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

No shirt, no shoes, no service.