Pub Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

Complementary Beverages

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Harpy Hour."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'My beer's not cloudy. The glasses are dirty.'

No glasses to be taken outside.

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

'I'm glad you credit my Martinis for helping you break out of your cocoon, but I'm still cutting you off.'

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?

"...And then I forgot where I put my memory stick!"

"Leave the toilet."

'I'm sorry, boss, but you tell them to leave.'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

'Hell, no, I don't want any sake.'

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

"Laugh if you will, but my kind once ruled the earth."

Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

"I drink to forget."

'You better not start anything...'

'Our eyes met across a crowded room, and she called the cops.'

'That perfume you're wearing smells funny. I love it!'

'Another tall, cold one?'