Bar Regular Humorist Gifts

10 Commandments Bar.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

"Baxter, I'm doing an online course in delegating and I want you to sit the exam for me."

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."