Bar Comedian T-Shirts

"That's how you think because you're an egghead."

"Oh, that wasn't me talking. It was the alcohol talking."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Complementary Beverages

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Virtual Lap Dancing

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

People talking through a stethoscope.

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."