Drinking Humorist Pillows

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Man...You age great!'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"Look at Ernie. He's so tipsy, he's walking face forward."

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Join me in a beer?

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"It's for his shakes."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

People talking through a stethoscope.

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'