Mature Drink Humorist Pillows

'Man...You age great!'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Teapot

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"How's your memory?"

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'It's my prostate.'

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'