Mature Drink Humorist Gifts

'Man...You age great!'

Middle-Age Superheroes

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Teapot

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

James Bond: Senior Years.

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'It's my prostate.'

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

Same Sexless Marriage

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'