Midlife Humorist Gifts

The over-40 workout

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

Same Sexless Marriage

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'...well it's about to be a midriff crisis.'

Clancy Strip: Fear of Growing Old

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

'I'm 43, but I'm having it changed to 38 by deed poll.'

Middle-Age Superheroes

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"Ever since Harry found his expiration date, he's been going through a mid-shelf-life crisis."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"He's an indoor cat."

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

Rocket charmer.

Whale Pattern Balding

'Dang.'

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

Castle with parking lot.

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

birthday meets reality