Mid-life Humorists Gifts

'Believe me, I feel your pain. I pulled a muscle bowling one time.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Middle-Age Superheroes

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

Rocket charmer.

'Dang.'

Whale Pattern Balding

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Castle with parking lot.

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

Same Sexless Marriage

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

birthday meets reality

'I'm 43, but I'm having it changed to 38 by deed poll.'

The Fountain of Menopause

'Firstly Madame, the Green Grocer is across the road and secondly that should explain why your 'bananas' are vibrating...!'