Mid-life Comedian Gifts

Whale Pattern Balding

Middle-Age Superheroes

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"They'd sold out of #1's."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

Rocket charmer.

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"75"

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

Same Sexless Marriage

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

Castle with parking lot.

'Quit blubbering. This is why I hate taking you shopping.'

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

birthday meets reality

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

'I'm 43, but I'm having it changed to 38 by deed poll.'