Mid-life Comedian Pillows

Whale Pattern Balding

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

"75"

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

Rocket charmer.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

Castle with parking lot.

Same Sexless Marriage

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'Quit blubbering. This is why I hate taking you shopping.'

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

birthday meets reality

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

'I'm 43, but I'm having it changed to 38 by deed poll.'

The Fountain of Menopause