Mid-life Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

birthday meets reality

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Some scents are nonsense.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Internet Shoplifting

"...but, seriously..."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

Spam.

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

Whale Pattern Balding

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'Dang.'

Amateur Spam.

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

Hits Needed, please click.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

"I've been toiling for months to write the great American tweet."

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"My ears are burning - Somebody must be blogging about me."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

Same Sexless Marriage

Download Hot Pics: Leda and the Swan.

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."