Half-life Humorist Pillows

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"They'd sold out of #1's."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

Special Place in Hell...

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

Whale Pattern Balding

"Well, they did say half-board."

'Can't it wait until halftime?'

"75"

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

Rocket charmer.

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'